WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!1 You're the BEST Admit EVER!1!!!!!!!!!
D. Craig Elbert (WG'09) Publisher
Issue date: 4/14/08 Section: Perspectives
Welcome Weekend 2010 (WW X) is here and, from what I can tell, this means one thing: EXCESSIVE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! Unbridled and borderline psychotic enthusiasm is disseminated rapidly throughout Huntsman Hall at a rate not witnessed since the Care Bears were tranquilized!!! New admits, be warned: Wharton students are excited about their brand, er school, and want to share that with you.
Receptions! Socials! Club Expos! Panels! Excessive drinking and awkward dancing with mild acquaintances! Next day continental breakfasts with hangovers, vague recollections of doing "The Robot" and soft-spoken prayers that, "Oh God, nobody had a digital camera last night, right? RIGHT?"!!!!! Yea! Rah! Welcome aboard!!! Here, have an Advil and some ear plugs.
Over the course of the weekend, admits, you will be told in emphatic reception speeches by complete strangers that you are probably the most impressive person to exist since Batman. You will be congratulated constantly. People will apparently care about your consulting assignments in Toledo. A dean or two may even speculate between bites of a chicken finger, that you are the secret offspring of the Dalai Lama and Audrey Hepburn.
The goal of the weekend is obviously to give you an asthma attack. What other plausible reason is there for such flattery, exuberance, and reckless punctuation?!?! There is even an event on your schedule called "Wharton Live!" which, if I were to venture a guess, involves Shamu the Whale, Microsoft Excel, and multiple cases of Red Bull.
Besides that, WW X aims to make sure you have all the information (and booze) you need to make your enrollment decision and to get to know your future classmates. On these goals, I must commend the program co-chairs and all the others who make WWX happen, because it is secretly pretty impressive. They seem to have thought of everything...at least, everything important.
Of course, for some of us, the "important" issues tend be a bit comatose-inducing (housing, classes: overrated). So if the "Survival Guide" panel is not teaching you the stealth martial arts skills you'd anticipated, perhaps my Q&A session is a bit more up your alley. Feel free to read this while taking a break from smiling cautiously at passing strangers as a means of gauging if they are also recent admits.
Why is Huntsman Hall round? - Because it's a spaceship, duh.
Then where are the lasers? - They only turn the lasers on at night, obviously.
Why should I care that the faculty is so well published? - Don't you want to meet Lindsay Lohan? You obviously have never been to a Journal of Management Information Systems issue launch party. All I can say is that knowing the author of a controversial outsourcing article can pull you more ass than a toilet seat. Great way to score participation points, too.
Why is everybody staring at me? - It's that shirt. You really should not have worn that shirt. Do you have time to change before you meet your Mini-Cohort?
Our Mock Class mentioned that some professors cold call. Is this intimidating if you're not prepared? - I've found that memorizing fortune cookie messages comes in handy. Except, at the end of each fortune add, "at Toyota," as chances are the class is about Toyota. For example, "The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected...at Toyota." Or, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...at Toyota."
Our Mock Class also mentioned... - Stop it. My brain is exploding trying to picture what would be mock taught in a mock class. Economic theories from The Onion? Besides, you really should have skipped that session to discover Chick-Fil-A across the bridge.
Who was Joseph Wharton? - He founded our wonderful school along with Benjamin Franklin and Toyota, or something. I don't know, go to Wikipedia. Great facial hair, that guy.
Is it okay to rollerblade to school in the morning? - No. No, it is not.
In the Wharton brochures, the students are always laughing. What are they talking about? - A rather arcane joke about controlling the money supply in an open economy. Really, the joke wasn't that funny.
Remember that toy orange gun that came with the original Nintendo system? How did that thing work? I mean, how did the TV know where the gun was pointed? - Great question. I have been petitioning strongly for a Nintendo case study in hopes of answering this exact question. I would recommend making your enrollment contingent on such a case study. Nobody seems to listen to me around here anymore.
Have you enjoyed your time at Wharton? - OMG! Best! Time! Ever!!!!! Let me tell you about this time my Cohort was playing Rock Band...wait, where are you going?! Hey, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Receptions! Socials! Club Expos! Panels! Excessive drinking and awkward dancing with mild acquaintances! Next day continental breakfasts with hangovers, vague recollections of doing "The Robot" and soft-spoken prayers that, "Oh God, nobody had a digital camera last night, right? RIGHT?"!!!!! Yea! Rah! Welcome aboard!!! Here, have an Advil and some ear plugs.
Over the course of the weekend, admits, you will be told in emphatic reception speeches by complete strangers that you are probably the most impressive person to exist since Batman. You will be congratulated constantly. People will apparently care about your consulting assignments in Toledo. A dean or two may even speculate between bites of a chicken finger, that you are the secret offspring of the Dalai Lama and Audrey Hepburn.
The goal of the weekend is obviously to give you an asthma attack. What other plausible reason is there for such flattery, exuberance, and reckless punctuation?!?! There is even an event on your schedule called "Wharton Live!" which, if I were to venture a guess, involves Shamu the Whale, Microsoft Excel, and multiple cases of Red Bull.
Besides that, WW X aims to make sure you have all the information (and booze) you need to make your enrollment decision and to get to know your future classmates. On these goals, I must commend the program co-chairs and all the others who make WWX happen, because it is secretly pretty impressive. They seem to have thought of everything...at least, everything important.
Of course, for some of us, the "important" issues tend be a bit comatose-inducing (housing, classes: overrated). So if the "Survival Guide" panel is not teaching you the stealth martial arts skills you'd anticipated, perhaps my Q&A session is a bit more up your alley. Feel free to read this while taking a break from smiling cautiously at passing strangers as a means of gauging if they are also recent admits.
Why is Huntsman Hall round? - Because it's a spaceship, duh.
Then where are the lasers? - They only turn the lasers on at night, obviously.
Why should I care that the faculty is so well published? - Don't you want to meet Lindsay Lohan? You obviously have never been to a Journal of Management Information Systems issue launch party. All I can say is that knowing the author of a controversial outsourcing article can pull you more ass than a toilet seat. Great way to score participation points, too.
Why is everybody staring at me? - It's that shirt. You really should not have worn that shirt. Do you have time to change before you meet your Mini-Cohort?
Our Mock Class mentioned that some professors cold call. Is this intimidating if you're not prepared? - I've found that memorizing fortune cookie messages comes in handy. Except, at the end of each fortune add, "at Toyota," as chances are the class is about Toyota. For example, "The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected...at Toyota." Or, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...at Toyota."
Our Mock Class also mentioned... - Stop it. My brain is exploding trying to picture what would be mock taught in a mock class. Economic theories from The Onion? Besides, you really should have skipped that session to discover Chick-Fil-A across the bridge.
Who was Joseph Wharton? - He founded our wonderful school along with Benjamin Franklin and Toyota, or something. I don't know, go to Wikipedia. Great facial hair, that guy.
Is it okay to rollerblade to school in the morning? - No. No, it is not.
In the Wharton brochures, the students are always laughing. What are they talking about? - A rather arcane joke about controlling the money supply in an open economy. Really, the joke wasn't that funny.
Remember that toy orange gun that came with the original Nintendo system? How did that thing work? I mean, how did the TV know where the gun was pointed? - Great question. I have been petitioning strongly for a Nintendo case study in hopes of answering this exact question. I would recommend making your enrollment contingent on such a case study. Nobody seems to listen to me around here anymore.
Have you enjoyed your time at Wharton? - OMG! Best! Time! Ever!!!!! Let me tell you about this time my Cohort was playing Rock Band...wait, where are you going?! Hey, CONGRATULATIONS!!!
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