Wharton announces Borat as next Dean
Raj Beri, WG'07
Issue date: 1/22/07 Section: Perspectives
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In a move no one expected, the Search Committee for the Dean of the Wharton School prematurely ended their search for Dean and announced that Borat would be taking over from Dean Patrick Harker in June. In a prepared statement Wharton's head of PR said: "We are very happy to announce
that the next Dean of the Wharton School will be Borat. We felt that we needed a Dean that the students would respect and relate to, and the kids seem to love Borat! He also has proven himself to be savvy with the media and his work with policy reform in Kazakhstan really set him apart from the rest of candidates. Actually, with everyone leaving the administration these days, we are just glad that we could get someone to fill this position." (After releasing this statement the head of PR also announced he would be leaving Wharton to take a similar position with the circus).
The Wharton Journal has learned that the other short-listed candidates were David Hasslehoff, who is widely popular with Wharton's German alumni and Jared from the Subway commercials. I had a chance to speak briefly with Borat after the announcement and get his thoughts on his new role:
WJ: So Mr. Borat, Dean of Wharton, that's a pretty big position. What do you hope to accomplish at Wharton over your tenure?
Borat: I want-a- to bring Sexy Time back to Wharton. I feel that there is not enough Sexy Time that students have and in my native Kazakhstan there is saying, "Sexy Time, it's good!" I will have mandatory Sexy Time for students and administration too, because they really need it if you know what I mean. I have seen some of them and it is obvious that they have not had Sexy Time in a while.
WJ: Um, ok. Not sure I understand you but let's move on. Why did you decide to accept the position?
Borat: Well, after my movie… you see my movie right? Was good no? I thought I look good in it, little fat but good. After my movie, I was expecting this nomination for Oscar but I no get it. Academy no like Borat I guess, so I was very sad and people in my country were sad too. We had big parade planned with chickens and I was going to be at head of parade with the big car and doing the waving and high fiving. But no nomination come so I need to look for job to support my family and town. Wharton not high on my list, people in my country no heard of Wharton and even me had to Google it, but it seems nice and not much work. We dance now?
WJ: Not yet, a few more questions.
Borat: Ok, but then we dance right?
WJ: Sure, we dance after.
Borat: Great success! High Five!
WJ: So, what are the biggest challenges you see facing Wharton over the next few years?
Borat: Well, other than serious lack of Sexy Time problem, I feel students and administration no see each others eyes, you know. There is too much bad feeling between them. I want to change this. It's good to change this no? Maybe we have more social time with students, make them like us more. Maybe we organize game of Shurik together. You know Shurik here right? It's like your baseballs in America except we take dogs out in field and shoot them and then have party. I like!
WJ: Great. Sounds interesting. Any fears about being able to adapt to America and the cultural barriers you will face at Wharton.
Borat: Wharton, great international school, with lots of people like me, so I not scared. You have the Indians and Africans and Kazakhs along with the white Americans.
Great mix.
WJ: Um, we have no Kazakhs.
Borat: No Kazakhs! This must change. Kazakhs very smart with business. My cousin sold cow with 3 legs and own only sweatshop in country. Is good business no?! We number one exporter of potassium and prostitutes in Central Asia too. Other countries
potassium is inferior. But like I saying, America and Kazakhstan very similar so I see no cultural problem. In Kazakhstan horses can vote, in America women can. Little differences. But main thing is that everyone at Wharton like shoot dogs and dance in Speedos. We do national Kazakh dance now? I put on Speedo?
WJ: Not just yet. One final question. What would you like to say to the students at Wharton as they prepare for your arrival in June?
Borat: I proud to be becoming your Dean. Maybe I can win academy award for best Dean. They have this no? Then we can have parade in Kazakhstan with the chickens and the big car and the high fiving. Maybe then CJ from Baywatch and Colombian prostitute Shakira will come see me and we will all have Sexy Time together. It will be nice! I like!
that the next Dean of the Wharton School will be Borat. We felt that we needed a Dean that the students would respect and relate to, and the kids seem to love Borat! He also has proven himself to be savvy with the media and his work with policy reform in Kazakhstan really set him apart from the rest of candidates. Actually, with everyone leaving the administration these days, we are just glad that we could get someone to fill this position." (After releasing this statement the head of PR also announced he would be leaving Wharton to take a similar position with the circus).
The Wharton Journal has learned that the other short-listed candidates were David Hasslehoff, who is widely popular with Wharton's German alumni and Jared from the Subway commercials. I had a chance to speak briefly with Borat after the announcement and get his thoughts on his new role:
WJ: So Mr. Borat, Dean of Wharton, that's a pretty big position. What do you hope to accomplish at Wharton over your tenure?
Borat: I want-a- to bring Sexy Time back to Wharton. I feel that there is not enough Sexy Time that students have and in my native Kazakhstan there is saying, "Sexy Time, it's good!" I will have mandatory Sexy Time for students and administration too, because they really need it if you know what I mean. I have seen some of them and it is obvious that they have not had Sexy Time in a while.
WJ: Um, ok. Not sure I understand you but let's move on. Why did you decide to accept the position?
Borat: Well, after my movie… you see my movie right? Was good no? I thought I look good in it, little fat but good. After my movie, I was expecting this nomination for Oscar but I no get it. Academy no like Borat I guess, so I was very sad and people in my country were sad too. We had big parade planned with chickens and I was going to be at head of parade with the big car and doing the waving and high fiving. But no nomination come so I need to look for job to support my family and town. Wharton not high on my list, people in my country no heard of Wharton and even me had to Google it, but it seems nice and not much work. We dance now?
WJ: Not yet, a few more questions.
Borat: Ok, but then we dance right?
WJ: Sure, we dance after.
Borat: Great success! High Five!
WJ: So, what are the biggest challenges you see facing Wharton over the next few years?
Borat: Well, other than serious lack of Sexy Time problem, I feel students and administration no see each others eyes, you know. There is too much bad feeling between them. I want to change this. It's good to change this no? Maybe we have more social time with students, make them like us more. Maybe we organize game of Shurik together. You know Shurik here right? It's like your baseballs in America except we take dogs out in field and shoot them and then have party. I like!
WJ: Great. Sounds interesting. Any fears about being able to adapt to America and the cultural barriers you will face at Wharton.
Borat: Wharton, great international school, with lots of people like me, so I not scared. You have the Indians and Africans and Kazakhs along with the white Americans.
Great mix.
WJ: Um, we have no Kazakhs.
Borat: No Kazakhs! This must change. Kazakhs very smart with business. My cousin sold cow with 3 legs and own only sweatshop in country. Is good business no?! We number one exporter of potassium and prostitutes in Central Asia too. Other countries
potassium is inferior. But like I saying, America and Kazakhstan very similar so I see no cultural problem. In Kazakhstan horses can vote, in America women can. Little differences. But main thing is that everyone at Wharton like shoot dogs and dance in Speedos. We do national Kazakh dance now? I put on Speedo?
WJ: Not just yet. One final question. What would you like to say to the students at Wharton as they prepare for your arrival in June?
Borat: I proud to be becoming your Dean. Maybe I can win academy award for best Dean. They have this no? Then we can have parade in Kazakhstan with the chickens and the big car and the high fiving. Maybe then CJ from Baywatch and Colombian prostitute Shakira will come see me and we will all have Sexy Time together. It will be nice! I like!
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