Top 10 Movers in the BusinessWeek MBA Program Rankings
Dean Chen, WG'07
Issue date: 10/16/06 Section: Insider
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10. USC Marshall ranking rises by six after 2006 marketing campaign - "South Central LA - just 11,898 aggravated assaults per year!" - meets smashing success.
9. Simultaneous Tuck campaign - "East Hanover: We now have a traffic light." - succeeds overwhelmingly, ranking up one.
8. Canadian business school reaches historic high as University of Michigan, Ann Arbor takes #5 ranking.
7. "White House Coffee Boy" demographic now 0.125% of HBS incoming class; massive drop in median GMAT score costs three spots (Classic strategeric misunderestimation).
6. UC Berkeley Haas school breaks into top 10 after schoolwide "put out the joint and take out your eyebrow ring" campaign drastically improves recruiter assessment of students.
5. United States Dungeons and Dragons convention comes to Cambridge, MA. Hundreds of MIT-Sloan second-years don wizard robes and practice magical spells in lieu of taking finals. Graduation rate down to 10%, ranking falls two.
4. 200% year-over-year growth rate in specialty porn industry (hirsute midgets) drives highest-ever starting salary at UCLA Anderson. Up two spots.
3. University of Chicago rockets to top position after BusinessWeek eliminates "wailing suicides/student-day" metric from rankings algorithm.
2. Completion rate of Stanfurd GSB application plummets as admissions committee introduces 78,000-word primary essay: "What matters to you? Why? How does that make you feel? Do you need a hug? Let's go get an organic wheatgrass smoothie, brah." Ranking down three.
1. Penn moves up one notch after Charles "The Pain Train" Johnson deployed to B-week HQ on worldwide press junket: "Wharton - Adding Value and Cracking Skulls since 1882."
9. Simultaneous Tuck campaign - "East Hanover: We now have a traffic light." - succeeds overwhelmingly, ranking up one.
8. Canadian business school reaches historic high as University of Michigan, Ann Arbor takes #5 ranking.
7. "White House Coffee Boy" demographic now 0.125% of HBS incoming class; massive drop in median GMAT score costs three spots (Classic strategeric misunderestimation).
6. UC Berkeley Haas school breaks into top 10 after schoolwide "put out the joint and take out your eyebrow ring" campaign drastically improves recruiter assessment of students.
5. United States Dungeons and Dragons convention comes to Cambridge, MA. Hundreds of MIT-Sloan second-years don wizard robes and practice magical spells in lieu of taking finals. Graduation rate down to 10%, ranking falls two.
4. 200% year-over-year growth rate in specialty porn industry (hirsute midgets) drives highest-ever starting salary at UCLA Anderson. Up two spots.
3. University of Chicago rockets to top position after BusinessWeek eliminates "wailing suicides/student-day" metric from rankings algorithm.
2. Completion rate of Stanfurd GSB application plummets as admissions committee introduces 78,000-word primary essay: "What matters to you? Why? How does that make you feel? Do you need a hug? Let's go get an organic wheatgrass smoothie, brah." Ranking down three.
1. Penn moves up one notch after Charles "The Pain Train" Johnson deployed to B-week HQ on worldwide press junket: "Wharton - Adding Value and Cracking Skulls since 1882."
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