Contemplating California?
Kerith Dilley, WG'07
Issue date: 1/23/06 Section: Insider
Most people traveling to the country of California aren't aware of the subtle differences between the Northern and Southern regions. Specific jargon and vibrant cultural traditions are alive and well, and those wishing to work in this country post-Wharton must do more than simply bust out with "dude" and don a pair of surf trunks to fit in either community. Here are a few tips to fit in like a native.
Top 10 Tips for Surviving Nor Cal:
1. Don't ever refer to San Francisco as "Frisco." EVER.
2. SF is "the city" (thought it was NYC? No.)
3. Napa is a four-letter word. But, if you must be foolish enough NOT to go wine tasting in Sonoma, redeem yourself by taking the tram at Sterling ONLY for the view; do NOT drink the rot gut that they call wine.
4. Don't order wine in a box or a jug or with a twist-off cap. And, don't ever order Merlot - even if you genuinely like that crap. Adhere to the Sideways mantra: "I will NOT drink Mer-Lot."
5. Sac-town is a perfectly acceptable reference to Sacramento; but Sacra-tomato is what kids who can't pronounce the town call it.
6. If you ask someone in Nor Cal for directions, don't challenge them by asking about a different route; there are no alternate routes. Also, don't pull out a map unless you like being mistaken for a tourist and getting local-yokel directions like "make a left where Mission Hardware was before it burned down."
7. SF's football team, the 49ers, are known as the "Niners" (the "40" is for Oakland Raiders fans).
8. If you want to be mistaken for an old-timer, call Monster Park "Candlestick." And Great America "Marriotts."
9. Nor Cal starts somewhere above Fresno. No one in CA knows where the line is, but like obscenity and the Supreme Court, everyone knows Northern California when they see it. Many people working in the city live in Silicon Valley, so you'll go straight to the ding pile if you question whether it's Nor Cal. Yes, this area was hicksville like 15-20 years ago but now some even consider it part of the Bay Area. Feed their delusions.
10. The Cow Palace is NOT a 4-H clubhouse - it's where you see concerts in the city.
Top 10 tips for Surviving LA:
1. Don't ask people if the sun shines year round (it does).
2. Don't ask how we can focus on work when it's beautiful every day (we don't).
3. Don't ask if an earthquake happened when the building quivers ever-so-slightly; unless it's a 6.5, no one will notice. And when the "Big One" hits, just calmly stand in the doorway for cover.
4. If you must ask directions, tell LA folks you forgot your Thomas guide (map book).
5. Driving is an art. If someone gives you directions, negotiate. Safest thing is to ask what to do when there is traffic on the 405 or whichever Fwy you're given (there always is). Once you arrive, be prepared for a 10-minute comparison about everyone's routes; you are expected to defend your route over alternatives (e.g. why Sepulveda over the 405).
7. You must insert "the" in front of Fwys (e.g. "The 405 was a parking lot"). LA folks have much love for their freeways and "the" is term of endearment.
8. The concept of "rush hour" is an urban myth; there is traffic on any road at any hour of the day.
9. No one knows what "the City of Compton" means…especially South LA residents (don't forget: South Los Angeles = community and South Central = street).
10. All wait staff are actors; but not all actors are wait staff.
Three Things ALL Californians Agree On:
1. Californians want to secede from the rest of the country but few natives will admit this until you're in their circle of trust. Don't ask them how they feel about secession; let them tell you. (And when they do, you MUST parrot back that CA is the 5th largest economy in the world & it would thrive on its own.)
2. "Cali" is what those outside the country of California call it. It's unacceptable for natives to use it, except when mocking OFECs (Originally From the East Coast)…who you can spot a mile away in their Tevas, socks, jean shorts, Polos and Oakley shades.
3. A few select outliers are capable of being bicoastal and identify as either a Northern Californian or a Southern Californian based solely on their audience and reveal their bicoastal nature only when they don't fear for their safety.
Top 10 Tips for Surviving Nor Cal:
1. Don't ever refer to San Francisco as "Frisco." EVER.
2. SF is "the city" (thought it was NYC? No.)
3. Napa is a four-letter word. But, if you must be foolish enough NOT to go wine tasting in Sonoma, redeem yourself by taking the tram at Sterling ONLY for the view; do NOT drink the rot gut that they call wine.
4. Don't order wine in a box or a jug or with a twist-off cap. And, don't ever order Merlot - even if you genuinely like that crap. Adhere to the Sideways mantra: "I will NOT drink Mer-Lot."
5. Sac-town is a perfectly acceptable reference to Sacramento; but Sacra-tomato is what kids who can't pronounce the town call it.
6. If you ask someone in Nor Cal for directions, don't challenge them by asking about a different route; there are no alternate routes. Also, don't pull out a map unless you like being mistaken for a tourist and getting local-yokel directions like "make a left where Mission Hardware was before it burned down."
7. SF's football team, the 49ers, are known as the "Niners" (the "40" is for Oakland Raiders fans).
8. If you want to be mistaken for an old-timer, call Monster Park "Candlestick." And Great America "Marriotts."
9. Nor Cal starts somewhere above Fresno. No one in CA knows where the line is, but like obscenity and the Supreme Court, everyone knows Northern California when they see it. Many people working in the city live in Silicon Valley, so you'll go straight to the ding pile if you question whether it's Nor Cal. Yes, this area was hicksville like 15-20 years ago but now some even consider it part of the Bay Area. Feed their delusions.
10. The Cow Palace is NOT a 4-H clubhouse - it's where you see concerts in the city.
Top 10 tips for Surviving LA:
1. Don't ask people if the sun shines year round (it does).
2. Don't ask how we can focus on work when it's beautiful every day (we don't).
3. Don't ask if an earthquake happened when the building quivers ever-so-slightly; unless it's a 6.5, no one will notice. And when the "Big One" hits, just calmly stand in the doorway for cover.
4. If you must ask directions, tell LA folks you forgot your Thomas guide (map book).
5. Driving is an art. If someone gives you directions, negotiate. Safest thing is to ask what to do when there is traffic on the 405 or whichever Fwy you're given (there always is). Once you arrive, be prepared for a 10-minute comparison about everyone's routes; you are expected to defend your route over alternatives (e.g. why Sepulveda over the 405).
7. You must insert "the" in front of Fwys (e.g. "The 405 was a parking lot"). LA folks have much love for their freeways and "the" is term of endearment.
8. The concept of "rush hour" is an urban myth; there is traffic on any road at any hour of the day.
9. No one knows what "the City of Compton" means…especially South LA residents (don't forget: South Los Angeles = community and South Central = street).
10. All wait staff are actors; but not all actors are wait staff.
Three Things ALL Californians Agree On:
1. Californians want to secede from the rest of the country but few natives will admit this until you're in their circle of trust. Don't ask them how they feel about secession; let them tell you. (And when they do, you MUST parrot back that CA is the 5th largest economy in the world & it would thrive on its own.)
2. "Cali" is what those outside the country of California call it. It's unacceptable for natives to use it, except when mocking OFECs (Originally From the East Coast)…who you can spot a mile away in their Tevas, socks, jean shorts, Polos and Oakley shades.
3. A few select outliers are capable of being bicoastal and identify as either a Northern Californian or a Southern Californian based solely on their audience and reveal their bicoastal nature only when they don't fear for their safety.