He Said
All over Wharton, we’re surrounded by technology. From webcafe to the motion sensor Purrell dispensers, we can’t get away from our steady progression into the 21st century. Nothing at school makes me feel quite like a modern day man than grinning sheepishly while Julia tries to figure out how to get the projector screen to go down in F96. She may have aced ManPaW, she still can’t set up her DVR.
I just love all of Wharton’s little hi-tech perks. I can pee without having to touch anything (my no hands technique gets more accurate every day). If you need to escape an awkward conversation, then nothing says "I can’t help it, I’m being forced away" like an accidental escalator ride. And if I miss the "good old Amish days," there’s always ABP, where new technology can never overcome a complete lack of work ethic.
Now I don’t want to give the impression that I think men are better at handling cutting edge technologies. And I don’t think it would be a good thing if that were true. It’s just that…well, men are better at handling cutting edge technologies, and I think that’s a good thing.
We don’t have a whole lot else to hang our hat on here in business school. As much as women bitch about wanting a relationship, our emotional unavailability, and menstrual cramps, guys have a much harder time getting laid than ladies realize. The other night, I saw a man resort to the "chest high-high five" to try and get to second base. And that’s the move that came closest to working…
So forgive us if we crack a smile as you fumble around to set the date and time on your blackberry. Let us handle it. After all, we’ve all seen enough movies to know what happens after the guy fixes the cable…
She Said
Equating technology at Wharton to anything other than a cluster f*ck would be grossly inaccurate. From the moment you enroll, you are inundated with a flood of senseless administrative tasks, for each of which you are directed to a different yet equally user-unfriendly website: Penn Financial Services, Penn Health, Penn Registrar, PennNet, PennPotral, Penn InTouch, the list goes on.
The fun doesn’t stop there. Your beginnings at Wharton are marked with another host of delightful e-destinations. At first glance, SPIKE seems pretty decent, until you realize it is absolutely impossible to find basic information such as ‘how many credits do I need to graduate’ and ‘why the hell is there an Undergrad tab’? Clearly, Adam likes it because he can clip out Facebook photos of hot first years to keep in his wallet.
And then there’s StudyNet, which is only marginally preferable to Reprographics in that you can now experience the overly long, expensive, and frustrating process of printing course materials in the comfort of your own home.
My personal favorite is the WGA Store. In addition to being difficult to navigate, who are those people on the homepage? Do they even go to Wharton? They look 17 years old. And speaking of contrived images, we can’t forget the all-too hilarious shiny new Wharton website, fitted with glossy photographs of our favorite classmates that actually make them look respectable (and sober).
WebCafe is everyone’s favorite bitching topic. Creating a database makes me feel like I’m coding in MS-DOS, or using one of those super computers, like the ones in that movie ‘War Games’. Yeah, the one with Matthew Broderick. And for the record, can we agree that it’s just "WebCafe" as opposed to "the WebCafe"? I mean, the name is ridiculous as it is—do we really need to make things worse by giving it a definite title?
The computer situation at Wharton isn’t too bad, although it took me a year to figure out there was another computer lab on the 3rd floor. I also think its interesting that the 4 default tabs that open in Internet Explorer include 2 SPIKE pages, Webmail, and Wharton Public Technology. Three-quarters of these accurately reflect the internet usage of the average MBA student.
And sorry Apple lovers—forget about learning how to effectively utilize your Mac at Wharton. That goes in the list along with using Bloomberg computers, finding color printers, getting the projector screen to cooperate in a classroom podium, and other mythological feats of Huntsman technology. And just because providing computer help is the only way Adam can get girls to talk to him (despite the Asperger’s), there really is no excuse.